Learn How To Reconnect With Your Kids.
Kids Need Your Attention
When was the last time you made your kids feel important and special? Kids love attention especially from their parent(s). If your kids feel important and special to you, then you will be important and special to them. When your kids know that you will be there for them through the good and the bad, through ups and downs, your kids will learn to trust you. Your kids need to know that you love them unconditionally and you will always be there.
Listen
Every child has a voice but it is up to us to hear it. Many times as parents, we are so busy talking but not listening. Your child may be down or frustrated and needs your undivided attention. It's a big step for your child to choose you to talk to but if you don't listen and talk over them, you may push your child 10 steps back. If this happens, your child may never talk to you again. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, "this time, I'm going to listen." Many times just by listening to your kids, they may end up finding the answer to their problems just by you allowing them to vent. Do your best not to judge or correct your child while they are talking. Listen with an open heart and mind. Once they are done talking, it does not hurt to ask your child if it's okay for you to share. Once you get the green light, don't just give them an answer. Create a comfortable open forum for your kids to communicate with you. You will be amazed with the connection you can have with your child by listening.
Article by Sonia Denice De La Torre
Family Day
Your kids need to know that you care about them so much that you have set aside a day just for them. Discuss with your kids what it is they would like to do on "Family Day" and follow through with it. Your kids need to know that you value their time and you enjoy doing things they love to do. Turn off the cell phone or put it away. If it's movie night out, go to a movie that you will all enjoy. If it's watching a movie at home and eating pizza, so be it. Bonding with your kids is another way to connect with your kids. There are so many things you can do as a family that will keep the lines of communication going. Do everything you can not to cancel "Family Day" unless it is a true emergency. Explain to your kids the emergency that came up and they will understand. Try to choose another day that everyone can agree upon and stick to it. You don't want to get into the habit of breaking family time dates with your kids. Have fun and enjoy connecting with your kids.
Article by Sonia Denice De La Torre
Conflict in the home
Disagreements are a natural part of life. We may have disagreements with our spouse, children, siblings, co-workers and people we may not know well at all. It is good to have healthy arguments in order to get to the root of what’s causing the problem in a particular situation. However, ongoing conflict in the home is not good for you, your spouse or your kids. Hurling insults at one another and calling one another names in front of your kids is creating a hostile environment that is not fit for your kids to live in.
Bullying, Blaming, Accusing, Criticizing, Putting Down, Ignoring, Sarcasm, Threatening, Exaggerating, Lying and Silent Treatment. ( All are Unacceptable Behavior)
Above are just a few of many insults that go on in homes with ongoing conflict. What does your child see? What does your child hear when she/he is forced to listen to their parents fight? You should never allow your kids to see or hear you fighting dirty. Insulting your spouse to your child behind the other spouse’s back is forcing your child to judge the other parent unfairly and could lead to a straining relationship between that child and the other parent. Leave your kids out of this. Fighting dirty in the home can leave emotional and mental scars and stress on your child’s life. If there is constant bickering and fighting in the home, your child may take out their emotional stress on others such as their peers in school, (bullying) or siblings at home when the parent is not around. They mimic the same behavior they see you do to others.
Kids can also feel like they are the blame for you and your spouse’s issues because you’re constantly yelling and taking your frustrations out on your kids. No one wants to be mature enough to step up to the plate and say, “enough is enough!” This is hurting our relationship and our kids. Your kids’ lives are worth saving.
Do whatever it takes to bring unity in the home. If something ugly is said in front of your kids, immediately apologize to your kids and tell them, “Mom and Dad have some serious issues going on, please forgive us for saying such bad things in front of you. Let them know that it won’t happen again and please tell your kids, they are not to blame.
Seek immediate help if you both are unable to resolve your issues. Follow the advice of your counselor in order to help save your marriage and the relationship with your kids. Instead of shouting, talk calmly. Instead of pointing the fingers at one another, be brave enough to admit your wrongs. Show appreciation when one admits their faults and be considerate of the others feelings. Speak positive and not negative to your spouse or your kids. If you’re angry about something, wait until the appropriate time to discuss it at a later date and time. If it’s a topic that can be avoided and is not important, bury it together and move on. Remember, resolving conflict immediately helps promotes a safe and happy home and relationship. It’s okay for your kids to see you disagree and make up. Just play it safe. It’s not just about you or your spouse, it’s about your family being healthy happy and whole. Stay connected as a family always no matter what.
Article by Sonia Denice De La Torre
Smoking Parent(s)
Don't you think it's about time you think about quitting? Could it be that your child thinks that every time you grab a cigarette you're replacing it for them? Do you really want a cigarette to stand between you and your child communicating? How can you connect with your child with a cigarette in your mouth and causing them to inhale second hand smoke? No, this is not what you want your kids to be exposed to. If you are a smoker and you see that every time you light up, your kids want to disappear, you may want to strongly think about quitting or cutting down. By all means, do not smoke around your kids. You want your kids to draw close to you, not run away from you. Making this adjustment could help save your relationship between you and your kids. Put the cigarettes down and start inhaling the love of your kids. After all, love does not kill but second hand smoking can.
Article by Sonia Denice De La Torre